01.19.13

It's past twelve but that's okay.
I just want to share with you my crazy dream.

So do you remember how I told you about that boy that I was interested in? Well I decided a couple blogs back, probably like a week or two ago that I wasn't going to like him any more. My messed up brain decides to bring my thoughts to reality (slash not really it was a dream). So I remember thinking to myself that it'd be really nice if he came up to me with flowers or something.

Here's how the dream went down:
(Boy walks in with roses)
(Me...)
Me: Am I dreaming?
Boy: No, this is real life.

I don't think I stopped hugging him in that dream until I woke up. I. Woke. Up.
Pathetic Whitney, you're pathetic.
Figure yourself out.

Today's fellowship was resolutions for the New Year.
My resolution this year is to be closer to God than I was last year.
I'm going to do this by writing the blog, thinking about JC, praying and trying to be a better person according to the Bible.

I cried like too many times today.
Why do I do this?

Kay, too tired.
Bye.

Whitney

01.18.13

Currently Playing: Don't Stop the Music by Jamie Cullum

1 Corinthians 12

No matter how insignificant you think you are, God has a special place for everyone. Christians work as a collective in which your participation is needed. Don't miss out on Him!

Okay here's to my daily thoughts.

Can someone please tell me why everyone does pot? Today I found out that my best friend has tried pot once while she was tipsy. And I also found out that my "potential prom date," (no longer any potential) is a pot head. Why? What's so good about doing drugs? Why do we play this game in which not truly living is better than living? Why do we jeopardize our life like that? And I understand that it's not necessarily harmful to the body, but why? Why do something useless? Who in their right mind does pot? I just can't understand. And I'm sorry if anyone is offended by this, but why? I'm not going to judge you but it's definitely a turn off.

A friend of mine addressed me by "My Dear" today. It was quite nice. He's a good person. The fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend surprises me. He's pretty awesome. 

GUESS WHAT?

I got my performance task marks back with a final mark before exams.

Knowledge 8/9 = 89

Thinking 8.5/10 =85

I am beyond happy. God, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I ask that you also help me with my exam next Thursday too.

God, You never fail to amaze me.
Thank You for giving me friends who warn me.

Thank You for giving me friends that I can comfort and learn to love.

Thank You for teaching me to push through in all circumstances.

I love You! You're always and forever,

My favourite home boy Jesus Christ! :)

Whitney

01.12.13

No Currently Playing today because it's too late.

Psalm 127:2

I just got back from a HK style cafe after having a very late dinner of Linguine and Clams. Very nice actually. I went to a high school musical today from Markville Secondary School's Performing Arts Class. My friend from church was the main lead so I went to hear him. He was quite good, I was quite impressed. Though I've always thought that his voice was very country like, it sounded very nice today.

I did not accomplish much mathematics review today. I am quite disappointed in myself. I really do not enjoy the second unit of Advanced Functions.

I saw an old flame today at the musical. He's avoided me a few times when we've seen each other random places but this time he actually came up to me and talked to me. I was rather surprised. He asked for my number too. He's an odd one though. I asked him stuff and he was all like "I don't want to boast about myself." And I'm thinking "Isn't saying that already boasting?" Anyway, he's still a nice guy. But I don't have any feelings for him.

The boy that I have an interest for is slowly becoming just a friend. I don't think he likes me in that way. But sometimes I do think he does. He initiated a hug when he saw me during Christmas. I just waved... To be in the arms of someone that you're interested in is something that sprouts butterflies. Even now thinking about it I giggle to myself. BUT NO, this cannot be, because he does not like me. He answers "hahaha," to too many things and that is just an ultimate downer in conversation. Plus he never asks me any questions and never initiates any conversation. I just can't with him. He just makes me feel sad and not good enough. He probably views me as just a younger little girl. Just like they all do. I will only ever be the "cute girl." Which is nice I guess...sometimes...

My best friend who got me three books for Christmas was at the musical today too, we go to the same church. I started reading the first book that she gave me (ironically also the first book that was in the pile). It's surprisingly good. I cried while reading the second chapter. It's called "Sweet Misfortune." I'm too lazy to turn on the light and check who the author is though.

Okay, so today's devotion from odb.org was about sleep. How ironic. I would love to be sleeping right now. It suggests never to overwork yourself rather than sleeping. Sleeping is when God replenishes our energy and gives us new opportunities. It also underlines the illnesses related to lack of sleep. I should probably sleep now.

But I think I'll probably just end up on Buzzfeed. Ah, at last, I've started playing Sims 3 again. My favourite or second favourite PC game before or after Roller Coaster Tycoon 2, I can't choose which I like better. I just wish I could stick to one family and fulfil all their wishes and raise generations. That is my new goal. But I probably shouldn't play too much because I avoid doing work.

Okay, I'll be honest. I'm going to go on Buzzfeed now. 

TTFN,

(Tata for now)

Thanks for an amazing day God,

Whitney 

01.11.13

Currently Playing: Deerhunter - Agoraphobia

Proverbs 31:30

Today I decided to Google search a devotion for women. I came to a devotion called "Girlfriends in God." The devotion talked about a Christian woman who had been destroyed by the constant want to conform herself to the ideal or perfect person. At the end of the devotion it there was a very interesting contrast in which I'll quote below.

"In that moment, Denise felt the weight of truth, and finally crumbled. Her previous casual attempts to allow God to intervene were now replaced with sincere cries for help."

The thing about humans is that we think we can do it on our own. We ask God to help change us when we aren't willing to change ourselves. We can't just ask God to help us when we aren't even sincerely wanting change.  I think that's one thing I need to start learning. With exams and university acceptance/rejection letters coming up, I need to lean on God more than ever. I'm constantly finding myself putting myself down or telling myself I'm not good enough. I need to realize that I cannot do this alone, instead with God's help, with good or bad results, I know that He will choose the right thing for me. In fact, he already has! God I ask that you'll help remind me that I'm not only living my life as a human being that loves You.

God, I have a confession to make. I feel like I'm swaying and my friends who can sometimes be bad influences are truly getting to me. I know that I've been with them for over three years and I don't know, I'm only now starting to notice how much of this person that I've become. I have urges to swear and immoral thoughts. I just need your help God. Please help to govern me and anchor my soul.

In the devotion, the author talked about her beautiful friend. And honestly, I don't think I'm anyone's beautiful friend. I have terrible acne and uneven eyes. I just don't think I'm very beautiful. I'm really self concious and I really don't like it when people comment about what I'm wearing or what I look like. I find that my friends judge me a lot and their comments are the ones that hurt the most. I just wish they wouldn't say such things about me to my face. Like not terrible but I just feel worse after hearing it. Honestly I don't know how I'm going to get married with this face. And no I'm not suicidal or anything, I'm not going to kill myself because I'm ugly. Yes I have mental breakdowns in my bathroom sometimes because my face is so red, fat and bumpy. But I'm learning to accept it. It just hurts when others can't accept it. And when people tell me ways to get rid of it. Shut up. Shut up please. You have no idea how it feels. No drinking water does not help my situation. Drinking Chinese soup is not going to help me. Nothing works. And I just want a new face, or at least new skin. I hear skin transplants are possible these days.

I didn't do my mathematics review today and that sort of scares me because what if I continue this "not doing mathematics" cycle up? Let's hope I can wake up tomorrow and do both my homework and two days worth of review.

Well, there are other things that happened to me at school today but honestly I'm too frustrated and tired of everything to write it in today's blog post. I just want to sleep.

I also would like a cat.

Thanks God for loving me,

Please help me get over my pimples.

Love,

Whitney