01.23.13

Currently Playing: Ugly -2NE1

Exams start tomorrow but my first one is Friday. Trying to study for Philosophy but it's quite impossible right now. My latte is cold and my snack of choice, popcorn is getting stuck in my teeth, not cool, not cool.

Well, here are my marks going into exams:
Yearbook: 96 (Last Time I checked...)
Advanced Functions: 75
Philosophy:77

Okay. Let's do this Whitney!
God, please help me!

Love,
Whitney

01.19.13

It's past twelve but that's okay.
I just want to share with you my crazy dream.

So do you remember how I told you about that boy that I was interested in? Well I decided a couple blogs back, probably like a week or two ago that I wasn't going to like him any more. My messed up brain decides to bring my thoughts to reality (slash not really it was a dream). So I remember thinking to myself that it'd be really nice if he came up to me with flowers or something.

Here's how the dream went down:
(Boy walks in with roses)
(Me...)
Me: Am I dreaming?
Boy: No, this is real life.

I don't think I stopped hugging him in that dream until I woke up. I. Woke. Up.
Pathetic Whitney, you're pathetic.
Figure yourself out.

Today's fellowship was resolutions for the New Year.
My resolution this year is to be closer to God than I was last year.
I'm going to do this by writing the blog, thinking about JC, praying and trying to be a better person according to the Bible.

I cried like too many times today.
Why do I do this?

Kay, too tired.
Bye.

Whitney

01.18.13

Currently Playing: Don't Stop the Music by Jamie Cullum

1 Corinthians 12

No matter how insignificant you think you are, God has a special place for everyone. Christians work as a collective in which your participation is needed. Don't miss out on Him!

Okay here's to my daily thoughts.

Can someone please tell me why everyone does pot? Today I found out that my best friend has tried pot once while she was tipsy. And I also found out that my "potential prom date," (no longer any potential) is a pot head. Why? What's so good about doing drugs? Why do we play this game in which not truly living is better than living? Why do we jeopardize our life like that? And I understand that it's not necessarily harmful to the body, but why? Why do something useless? Who in their right mind does pot? I just can't understand. And I'm sorry if anyone is offended by this, but why? I'm not going to judge you but it's definitely a turn off.

A friend of mine addressed me by "My Dear" today. It was quite nice. He's a good person. The fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend surprises me. He's pretty awesome. 

GUESS WHAT?

I got my performance task marks back with a final mark before exams.

Knowledge 8/9 = 89

Thinking 8.5/10 =85

I am beyond happy. God, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I ask that you also help me with my exam next Thursday too.

God, You never fail to amaze me.
Thank You for giving me friends who warn me.

Thank You for giving me friends that I can comfort and learn to love.

Thank You for teaching me to push through in all circumstances.

I love You! You're always and forever,

My favourite home boy Jesus Christ! :)

Whitney

01.17.13

Not playing any music as of right now.

I am super nervous. Nervous about like. Nervous bout how I did on my Math Performance Task. Nervous about whether or not Waterloo will accept me. Nervous about my grades. Nervous about exams. I am just a nervous wreck. But I know I must do my best and let God do the rest. He will do what is best for me in the long run.

Thank you God for making me, me.

Thank you for providing for me.

I finished "Warm Bodies" by Isaac Marion today. I wish that R had a real name and that he was actually a doctor in the past life cause that would have been awesome. I guess I'll be back to reading "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green or this new novel called "Sweet Misfortune" by Kevin Alan Milne. I'll let you know how those books are after I'm finished. Warm Bodies was overall really interesting. It got me hooked around the first quarter and I couldn't stop till the end. The ending was a little disappointing for me though. And sometimes the book was hard to follow but that's okay. I fit the pieces together and with a little help from Wikipedia, I now understand the book more clearly. Okay, I'm gonna read "Sweet Misfortune" now. It's quite good so far.

Good night world,

Whitney

01.06.13

Currently Playing: Ed Sheeran - Little Bird

Sometimes my best friends can piss me off. Honestly, for you to say that someone else is cuter than me is fine. Just don't say it in front of my face. Don't say it in front of my insecure self. Don't say it in front of my judging friends. Don't say it to someone whose broken. People can be really insensitive.

I don't like it when people live and thrive off popularity. Why do you do that? Why can't you just act like yourself and allow those who accept you to accept you and those who don't, don't? Why do you have to party, drink alcohol, talk like you're from the ghetto and do weed to make friends? What's so great about that? Becoming a slut? Having the assumption of being rude because of how you address people? Ruining friendships by making drunken mistakes? Blaming everything on being drunk or high? Please. Let's be real. What you want to become is totally different than what you do become. The thing is, people don't really know what's important. 

I'm a better friend than most of your partying and druggie friends. Why can't you understand that? Why don't you see?

Why can't you realize that I'm still friends with you because I'm afraid you'll crash and burn and not have any true friends to catch you?

Please stop this. Please stop being a douche. Filter your sentences and your thoughts. Fill them with love and compliments, find mental peace. 

Okay rant done.

I finally got "Warm Bodies," by Isaac Marion yesterday in the mail from amazon.ca! Yay! Read a couple of chapters, very interesting so far. I can't stop of R being Nicholas Hoult. Darn, no character development for me, sigh. 

Is it bad that I'm scared to say: "I'm praying for you," to my friends? I feel like I'm drifting from You God. Please pull me back.

I'm in the process of completing my supplementary applications for UW. Let's hope I get in. People are already getting accepted to UW! Jealous, to be quite honest.

Currently Playing - Nujabes: Modal Soul Album

My Unnie got me the DBSK Mirotic in Seoul 3rd Asia Concert. I was watching it earlier. Very good. I miss my OT5. When will EXO comeback? No good k-music recently...

I have an Advanced Functions Performance Task tomorrow. I'm praying that with it I can go up a percent or two. But I don't know if that will happen. I just gotta review the material tonight but I'm being lazy. Sigh Whitney, why do you do this?

I think I'm going to give up spending money on my face now. But before I do, I'm going to make my last attempt/purchase. I'm going to get the Josie Maran Argan Oil. I'm debating whether or not to get the regular size or the luxury size. I will get more for my money if I get the bigger one but that's like two pay checks. Sigh, this better work...

Too lazy to review my devotion for you today slash I didn't even do it yet.

Goodbye Unproductive World I call home,

Whitney

01.12.13

No Currently Playing today because it's too late.

Psalm 127:2

I just got back from a HK style cafe after having a very late dinner of Linguine and Clams. Very nice actually. I went to a high school musical today from Markville Secondary School's Performing Arts Class. My friend from church was the main lead so I went to hear him. He was quite good, I was quite impressed. Though I've always thought that his voice was very country like, it sounded very nice today.

I did not accomplish much mathematics review today. I am quite disappointed in myself. I really do not enjoy the second unit of Advanced Functions.

I saw an old flame today at the musical. He's avoided me a few times when we've seen each other random places but this time he actually came up to me and talked to me. I was rather surprised. He asked for my number too. He's an odd one though. I asked him stuff and he was all like "I don't want to boast about myself." And I'm thinking "Isn't saying that already boasting?" Anyway, he's still a nice guy. But I don't have any feelings for him.

The boy that I have an interest for is slowly becoming just a friend. I don't think he likes me in that way. But sometimes I do think he does. He initiated a hug when he saw me during Christmas. I just waved... To be in the arms of someone that you're interested in is something that sprouts butterflies. Even now thinking about it I giggle to myself. BUT NO, this cannot be, because he does not like me. He answers "hahaha," to too many things and that is just an ultimate downer in conversation. Plus he never asks me any questions and never initiates any conversation. I just can't with him. He just makes me feel sad and not good enough. He probably views me as just a younger little girl. Just like they all do. I will only ever be the "cute girl." Which is nice I guess...sometimes...

My best friend who got me three books for Christmas was at the musical today too, we go to the same church. I started reading the first book that she gave me (ironically also the first book that was in the pile). It's surprisingly good. I cried while reading the second chapter. It's called "Sweet Misfortune." I'm too lazy to turn on the light and check who the author is though.

Okay, so today's devotion from odb.org was about sleep. How ironic. I would love to be sleeping right now. It suggests never to overwork yourself rather than sleeping. Sleeping is when God replenishes our energy and gives us new opportunities. It also underlines the illnesses related to lack of sleep. I should probably sleep now.

But I think I'll probably just end up on Buzzfeed. Ah, at last, I've started playing Sims 3 again. My favourite or second favourite PC game before or after Roller Coaster Tycoon 2, I can't choose which I like better. I just wish I could stick to one family and fulfil all their wishes and raise generations. That is my new goal. But I probably shouldn't play too much because I avoid doing work.

Okay, I'll be honest. I'm going to go on Buzzfeed now. 

TTFN,

(Tata for now)

Thanks for an amazing day God,

Whitney 

01.11.13

Currently Playing: Deerhunter - Agoraphobia

Proverbs 31:30

Today I decided to Google search a devotion for women. I came to a devotion called "Girlfriends in God." The devotion talked about a Christian woman who had been destroyed by the constant want to conform herself to the ideal or perfect person. At the end of the devotion it there was a very interesting contrast in which I'll quote below.

"In that moment, Denise felt the weight of truth, and finally crumbled. Her previous casual attempts to allow God to intervene were now replaced with sincere cries for help."

The thing about humans is that we think we can do it on our own. We ask God to help change us when we aren't willing to change ourselves. We can't just ask God to help us when we aren't even sincerely wanting change.  I think that's one thing I need to start learning. With exams and university acceptance/rejection letters coming up, I need to lean on God more than ever. I'm constantly finding myself putting myself down or telling myself I'm not good enough. I need to realize that I cannot do this alone, instead with God's help, with good or bad results, I know that He will choose the right thing for me. In fact, he already has! God I ask that you'll help remind me that I'm not only living my life as a human being that loves You.

God, I have a confession to make. I feel like I'm swaying and my friends who can sometimes be bad influences are truly getting to me. I know that I've been with them for over three years and I don't know, I'm only now starting to notice how much of this person that I've become. I have urges to swear and immoral thoughts. I just need your help God. Please help to govern me and anchor my soul.

In the devotion, the author talked about her beautiful friend. And honestly, I don't think I'm anyone's beautiful friend. I have terrible acne and uneven eyes. I just don't think I'm very beautiful. I'm really self concious and I really don't like it when people comment about what I'm wearing or what I look like. I find that my friends judge me a lot and their comments are the ones that hurt the most. I just wish they wouldn't say such things about me to my face. Like not terrible but I just feel worse after hearing it. Honestly I don't know how I'm going to get married with this face. And no I'm not suicidal or anything, I'm not going to kill myself because I'm ugly. Yes I have mental breakdowns in my bathroom sometimes because my face is so red, fat and bumpy. But I'm learning to accept it. It just hurts when others can't accept it. And when people tell me ways to get rid of it. Shut up. Shut up please. You have no idea how it feels. No drinking water does not help my situation. Drinking Chinese soup is not going to help me. Nothing works. And I just want a new face, or at least new skin. I hear skin transplants are possible these days.

I didn't do my mathematics review today and that sort of scares me because what if I continue this "not doing mathematics" cycle up? Let's hope I can wake up tomorrow and do both my homework and two days worth of review.

Well, there are other things that happened to me at school today but honestly I'm too frustrated and tired of everything to write it in today's blog post. I just want to sleep.

I also would like a cat.

Thanks God for loving me,

Please help me get over my pimples.

Love,

Whitney

01.10.13

Currently Playing: Chicago (Acoustic) - Sufjan Stevens

Acts 26:16-17

I'm writing this blog post later than I normally do. Hmm, I wish that I had written it earlier. I'm actually writing in bed rather than my sturdy table today. I've had a tiring but satisfying day.

I think my philosophy teacher is very nice. She sort of playfully makes fun of me but in a nice way. Does that make sense to you? Well I really do enjoy her classes, it's just her tests that are super hard. And I can already for see a crying Whitney in the philosophy exam in two weeks. What I've always wondered about philosophy teachers is whether or not they are atheist or theists. Do you ever wonder that too? They have to remain unbiased in their teachings but I wonder what they're thinking in their heads. I think that they're probably not God believers because questioning everything takes a toll on your relationship with my home boy JC. No matter how good you are with Him, doubt still exists.

I spent my lovely lunch in the library. While my friends chatted beside me, I sat in my individual cubby and started Unit 2 Advanced Functions review. Call me anti-social but I really don't want to retake Advanced Functions. Once is enough for me. Well, while in the library I was texting the boy of my interest and my dad at the same time. Regarding the boy of my interest, let's just say things aren't getting anywhere because I don't think he's interested at me whatsoever. But I'll still remain a friendship with him. On the contrary, my best friend (aka my dad) said that my mums new computer came in. She got a 15.5 inch Asus laptop. Very exciting! I got to open it and set it up with her. Sorry mum, I forced my opinion of using Google Chrome on you. (I downloaded Chrome and deleted Internet Explorer off of her bottom bar)

Today's devotion has led me back to "My Utmost for His Highest." The phrase that caught me the most in the devotion was "Conversion is not regeneration." It comes to my attention that a lot of new, and old Christians get this mixed up. I don't really know where I'm trying to go with this. But our actions should not be governed by God's laws but rather by conviction through God's love. We should also show love for Christians so that they may all emulate love.

Today my dad talked about someone that he thought was a "very good Christian." He explained that even though he was out of work, he was optimistic and continued to take on jobs around the church. He also described him as someone that doesn't get angry and is rather patient. My sister added that he always stands and represents individuals at members meetings. I find all these traits admirable. The fact that he could be totally sulking and upset about his situation and the way he's actually handling it really makes me respect him. You deserve a gold star sir.

I hate cleaning my room. I don't even know why. I feel like even though I'm almost an adult, I still enjoy rebelling. I clean when no one asks me too. But the fact that I'm always nagged to clean bothers me and I never end up cleaning. The weird thing is that I don't even like when my room is messy. It bothers me too.

I'm watching two dramas right now:

1. Missing You 

Yoochun's in it which makes me happy. And so is Yoon Eunhye which also makes me very happy. And Yoo Seungho whom I adore. It's nearing the end of the drama and it is quite interesting. The first two episodes were my favourite though, to be very honest with you.

2. Flower Boy Next Door

Park Shinhye, love her. Yoon Siyoon, adorable. Go Kyungpyo, gracing my screen. And then there's that guy that she creeps. Very good looking too. Only two episodes have aired so far and it's quite interesting. It airs on TVn which I'm finding is producing very exceptional dramas that keep getting better (i.e. Queen Inhyun's Man [My all time favourite], Reply 1997 and Shut Up Flower Boy Band).

I watch a lot of Eat Your Kimchi. Simon and Martina are very admirable in my eyes. Ah, the fact that they have their own studio is amazing and I'm so excited for their growth.

Thanks God for reading and always watching over me,

I anticipate your coming!

Whitney

01.09.13

Now Playing: BEAST - Lights Go On Again

Luke 19:8

Have I ever mentioned that I'm short tempered and have a pretty bad attitude problem? Today on my way to work I had another conversation with my dad about night school. (I do not want to attend night school) He complained about having to drive me so far to a different city/town and etc. I understand that I need to appreciate my parents more, I really do. I'm just sick and tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again and being constantly reminded that I have a rock like intelligence (Reason that I have to take summer school). I am really trying hard to improve my grade, but with only two assessments left in the course (Performance Task and Exam), there isn't really much that I can do you know?

Side Note: The first unit, Polynomial Functions that I've been studying/reviewing for the past three days has gotten a lot easier after much time spent doing questions and memorizing definitions. Praise God that I am able to find reassurance and have an enlightening of my spirits.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in yesterdays post but I recall blogging about the unfairness of my friend receiving five more dollars in our Christmas gifts at work. Though I had worked there for longer and had gotten my friend/coworker the job, my boss gave him an extra five dollars in our Tim Horton's gift card. I realize that this isn't that big of a deal, but I tend to make a big deal about little things. Any who, I think God really reads my blog...One of the parents that come to our daycare gave me a $15 Ciniplex gift card for Christmas. I thought that was really kind of her. I just got the opportunity to thank her today so it just came to my mind.

Ah, one thing I forgot to mention earlier which is rather important is that my internet is down. Rogers...I'm not impressed. We pay a lot for our households 60GB's a month and we have crappy connection too. However, I am happy that I'm able to access Google and apparently now, Blogger too!

I'm currently reading "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green and no I haven't moved from the place I talked about last blog post. So far the book is amazing and I catch myself smiling like a goof ball. Augustus Waters is really something.

Today in Philosophy my teacher kept using the term: "nut bar." I've actually come to enjoy that term and I think I'd probably use it a lot in my daily life starting today. Ha, I'm quite  different aren't I?

I finished my homework and mathematics review rather early today so I was going to take this time before 12am to watch some Korean reality shows. Mainly "The Romantic and Idol Season 2." However, whilst watching my lovely Rogers connection died on me. (Do you hear the sarcasm in my voice?) So here I am, debating whether or not I should continue reading "The Fault In Our Stars" and waiting for the boy I'm interested in to reply me.

I've mentioned a little about this before but I'll tell you again now. My family and I went on a Caribbean cruise in which we visited Princess Cays (Bahamas), Curacao and Aruba. They were all very beautiful places. I think I liked the first two islands the best. I'm quite the cold blooded animal, in the next life (If there is one, which I believe there wouldn't be, but if there were) I would want to be a dolphin. I think they're beautiful. Any ways, my fish like qualities of my father and I sent us snorkelling in all three islands. I will tell you now, fish are beautiful. I saw these cute group of fish, honestly I don't think I'll ever forget. I kept giggling because their fins moved as if they were clapping. It was adorable I must say.

Honestly I don't think anything will ever happen between the boy I'm interested in and I. He lives too far away. I probably shouldn't waste my time with him but he's still my friend. I don't want to stop talking to him. He's quite good company when you're sitting alone in Starbucks drinking a grande chai tea latte (My favourite Starbucks Drink by the way...).

I thought I'd dedicate this paragraph of my blog post to "grande chai tea lattes."

My great friend introduced me to the world of Chai Tea. Her and I are very similar in many ways. I think she knows me most well after my mother, father and sister. Chai Tea Latte's taste like pumpkins and spices in a not overly sweet milk combination. Though it may get sweet around the bottom, it still tastes amazing to me.

My mom just came into my room and this is how our conversation went.

Mom: Go to sleep soon. Good luck tomorrow. Just try your best.

(My mother is so supportive, she's the best)

Me: Okay. Why? What's tomorrow?

Mom: I thought you had a test.

Me: No...

Mom: When's your test?
Me: My exam...? (Long pause) January 25th.

Mom: Oh, well...If you want to be smarter, sleep earlier.

Me: Aha okay.

It's interesting that my mom notices I'm studying a lot. Now she won't tell me or imply that I'm a slacker cause I'm studying 16 days before my exam. 

My teachers had always told me to study for my exams weeks in advance. In my last year of high school, I'm finally realizing that I probably should listen to them.

I've babbled on so much because I finished early today and it's not quite as close to my bed time as it normally is when I post in my blog. I almost forgot to talk about my devotion today.

I had really hoped to read "My Utmost for His Highest" again tonight but no can do because internet is unfortunately down with the exception of Google and Blogger. So I've gone back to my old but good, "Our Daily Bread." Today's devotion is about making our wrongs right. The little quote at the bottom says:

A debt is never too old for an honest person to pay.

It suddenly makes me concious of the wrongs that I've done in the past. Though I can't think of any major ones at the moment. I can think about the years of elementary school where I bullied this girl who is now my friend. I've always wanted to apologize to her but I don't really know how to say it. I'm really sorry to her. And honestly she's now beautiful, fit and a pretty cool person. I'm glad she was able to put our past aside and remain friends with me.

If I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold. 

-Luke 19:8

I am now going to tell you that I'm going to read "The Fault In Our Stars" but I can't guarantee that will actually happen.

Thank you God for making me, me.

Peace out,

Whitney

01.08.13

Now Playing: Ed Sheeran - A Team

Genesis 22:9 

Romans 12:1

Today I've gone for a different devotional approach. I went to read my other favourite source of devotion, after "Our Daily Bread," "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  The devotion for today challenged me to sacrifice things for God because He's the only thing that really matters. Rather than giving things up for the sake of giving them up, I need to learn to identify with the sacrifices of those of my homeboy Jesus Christ.

Today I pledge to try to do the best I can to show God's love to those around me.

I have decided to sign myself up for night school Advanced Functions. Though it is every Tuesday and Thursday from February to June, I think it will really help me get into university. However, I don't want to do it if I have a choice. That's why I am continuously following my vigorous (but seemingly lacking) mathematics review. I really would like to obtain higher than a 75. I really don't want to do night school, but if that's what I need to do to achieve my dream, so be it. God, I know you'll lead me to what is best for me. Whatever mark I end up with, that is your will.

The boy of interest called me lame. Okay. I can't really get to know someone through long distance. I don't even remember what his voice sounds like. However, right now is the time for me to excel in mathematics and philosophy, not figuring out what his favourite colour is and his favourite songs (which by the way I don't know because I'm staying true to my other interest: mathematics). He still doesn't talk to me about Jesus. As much as I can like him, if you have no interest in my homeboy, we cannot be together.

My parents are going on vacation again in a couple of months. Woopdeedoo. Another vacation that I will not have a part in. But I cannot complain because I was able to go to the Caribbean over the winter break.

I need to remind myself of God's presence all the time because I feel like I care more about what others think than Him. And His opinion is the only one that should matter, you know?

To whomever reads my blog, thank you. I honestly do this for myself (I really enjoy journalling but I've found that writing takes too long) to document what I've been doing at that time. I've read a lot of my old journals and felt embarrassed of the things I wrote about. So let's hope that down the road I won't be ashamed reading this. I wonder if my blog posts are entertaining or you just accidentally click it. Nonetheless, thank you. Listen to some Ed Sheeran, it's very soothing.

To be honest, I feel more productive than I've felt all school year. I'm creating To Do Lists and actually following them for once. It's rather fascinating when you have a paper full of check marks at the end of the night.

Oh, prom is coming up in May (If it does decide to run, there's a strike going on and a lot of complicated stuff that I really don't know about and they've cancelled all our extra curricular activities, boo). Well, I was a part of two clubs and two committees before they were cancelled so I'll count those on my university applications cause honestly, I spent many hours in meetings, if that don't count...well... Wow run on sentence, I apologize.

Somebody please tell me what a sentence fragment is. I seem to make this mistake a lot within my essays. And people don't like that. Another reason I write this blog is to practice my writing for next semester English. Woohoo (sarcasm).

I really want to finish "The Fault In Our Stars" but I'm at the Amsterdam part and it's sort of boring me. One of my best friends also got me a couple of books for Christmas. I want to read them too but I seemingly am very occupied writing a blog that has twelve views.

I quit worship team at church. I feel bad, I really do. But I really need the time to focus on my school work and grades. I'll probably start again in the summer time. I'm sorry God.

Have you ever wondered if you've encountered an angel before? Pardon this randomness (though my blog is all random babble).  You could even be an angel. Actually I don't know about that. Haha, don't trust my information, I'm very inaccurate.

Oh, like any human being I have a few things for some very handsome actors. I giggle at the sight of: Ryan Gosling, Michael Fassbender, Tom Hiddleston and Nicholas Hoult. I also like Korean singers, TVXQ/DBSK being my favourite, but only if they're five are they amazing.

Anyway, that's enough for me today.

Thanks for reading about my life with JC.

Whitney

01.07.13

Current Song: Raccoon Boys-Thriller

2 Timothy 3:16-17

Honestly if I wasn't afraid of singing in public, I would totally take vocal lessons and start something. But fear is probably the biggest obstacle in life.

Today it has come to my attention that the boy that I have some interest in does not talk to me about Jesus. And that bothers me. Jesus is my homeboy...The reason why I don't date is that I find it a waste if it's not the person that I'm meant to be with. And yes I understand that dating brings experience and etc. It's not like I haven't contemplated dating someone seriously. It's just that no one really had the greatest quality of all, loving Jesus. I realize that sometimes you just don't talk about Jesus on a daily basis. But how many days out of these many have not talked about Jesus. Nothing, zip.

Today it took me three hours to complete seven Advanced Functions questions. I had a guidance appointment and my guidance counsellor (Who is Christian!) told me I should drop Calculus. Yes, I would love to drop Calculus too Missus, but I cannot. I must take six courses, three a semester and I'd only have two courses if I dropped Calculus. So now I am here sitting in my chair praying that God can bring me to review mathematics. I have planned out the next 25 days (Days Until Exam) into countless review. Sigh, Whitney will have a busy month of January.

I'm going back to work tomorrow. I miss the kids and my co-workers so I'm actually quite excited. I got my close church friend a job at the daycare I work at and my boss gave him $5 more in our Christmas cards. I know that isn't that much but it sort of hurts, you know? I'm trying to let it go, but that friend of mine has done some gutsy and irresponsible things to me so it sort of bothers me. 

To anyone who has the voice and capability to rap, props to you. I wish I could rap too. But all I have is my somewhat better than average singing ability. Rap is amazing I'm not going to lie. I recommend NAK, Gowe and of course, MC Jin. Those artists are my secret awesome songs.

My devotion today was about reading the bible and equipping yourself with God's word. This is sort of like second nature to me. I know that I should read the Bible but I get lazy y'know? And then there's that extra problem of mine: I can't find my Bible! My Bible is pretty special to me too, besides the fact that it is God's word. My cousin from Vancouver came to Toronto with a Missions Team and they bought me this Bible. It's pink and it's a journalling Bible. It's quite beautiful I must admit. It's not super feminine which I like. Ah, I miss my Bible.

First day back at school honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

Thank you JC!

I'm going to try to read The Fault In Our Stars or watch some drama now.

Praying that tomorrow will be another great day.

Whitney

01.06.13

Current Song: Epik High - Love Love Love

John 21:22

Today is the last day of the winter break before I return to senior year.  Senior year has been great to me except for the fact that I'm doing super poorly in 2/3 of my classes. I really have to figure out how to get myself together before exams at the end of January.  That is my biggest concern. I have a 73 in Advanced Functions, 75 in Philosophy and a 96 in Yearbook. I'm so worried that I'm not going to get into university. Waterloo is my dream school but I don't even think I can get into the Environment and Business program that accepts low 80 average students. 

Today is also my dad's birthday. My dad is like my best friend. Though he's not the bread winner of the family, he does a lot more than making money. I love you dad.

Today was the first Sunday of the month so we had communion at church. I love communion, I really do. It sort of helps to snap me out of the fog that I've been in and to focus truly on God. In the sermon today, our pastor asked if we were spending time with God, if we remembered his presence all the time. I realize that I hardly think of God. Though I believe, love and try to follow His commands, the presence of Him seems to slip my mind constantly. I will try to remind myself that God's watching all the time from now on and spend more time "hanging out" with God. 

Today my devotion was on John 21:15-22. I find it rather ironic that The Daily Bread article talks about conducting and choir today(My dad conducts for the choir at church once/twice a month. It reminded me of him). I've lost my bible/misplaced it, thus, I am referring off of the verse from The Daily Bread.

"What is that to you? You follow me."

-John 21:22

In this passage Jesus is talking to Peter and reminding him that other peoples opinions don't matter. I'm not going to lie, there are many times that I have doubted and have been ashamed of my own faith. Even recently on the TTC I found it awkward to talk with my Christian friend about my spiritual walk in a full but silent bus. I really love you God, I don't know why I'm so worried about what others think. I ask that You help me in remembering that a life with Jesus is not shameful but the best kind of life.

This reminds me of the verse that my sister Erin put on my chalkboard in my room. 

"Consider it pure joy my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because we know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its course so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything."

-Don't actually know where this verse is located in the bible

I must face my trials head on and not be ashamed of my faith.

God, as I go through this difficult time in the school year, I ask that you guide me and help me to concentrate. My friend told me that he believes "hard work weighs more than intelligence." I hope that You can help me prove him right. I really want to work hard and do well. I just have no motivation.

But I've decided that from now on, You are my motivation.

Your daughter,

Whitney